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The Stupid Concern: “Are You Clean?” I got a shower this morning

Filed under lubbock review by Susan Scarlett on Wednesday, November 24th, 2021

I took a bath today. I’m clean. I may exercise on gymnasium later on, or even the scrap case will split on the road outside and I also will scoop right up java reasons and put them back into the case. I’ll then be dirty. I will shower once again. And I is thoroughly clean.

Anyone who questions whether HIV stigma is rising need look no further than on line profiles and hookup web sites, in which “Are you washed?” is actually expected with infuriating regularity. And/or you have got suffered the indignity of somebody requesting “The Stupid matter” while negotiating a tryst. The sheer ignorance boggles your body and mind.

Implying that I am somehow “dirty” because I am HIV great may not be the aim of the individual inquiring the question. Maybe they’ve been really trying to evaluate the level of chances they could be taking. But it addittionally shows that they could increase their standard of risk-taking if you address “Yes, i’m clean.” To position one’s trust in this address, and to base your own intimate behavior onto it, was the way in which group become infected with HIV.

The individual getting questioned might not have tested recently. Or was infected ever since the last test. Or perhaps is sleeping because they’re afraid, or uncomfortable, or stressed, or don’t experience secure becoming truthful for the reason that significance about which you have not a clue. Therefore it’s eventually an extremely worthless fitness.

Hence, the lack of knowledge and risk of The Stupid concern. And, because it’s questioned rather specifically by people that believe by themselves to-be HIV negative, it creates an “Us vs. one” attitude. Positive vs. unfavorable. Clean vs. Dirty.

“They don’t suggest any injury,” maybe you are thinking. Better, keywords posses definition, my pal. The lack of knowledge clear from inside the Stupid concern helps it be not less offensive. While the intent is likely to be benign, is does perform problems for people with HIV by growing stigma and travel a further wedge between HIV negative and positive men. Think its great or perhaps not, it’s an assessment of this sexual viability of someone, and by expansion, their own “worthiness” as an individual getting.

During my extra hedonistic days — which admittedly are not precisely way back when in a galaxy far, far-away — I found myself dumbstruck because of the conversations I would has in gay community gender venues, even more private types. “Are your clean?” would arrive the question of the guy who was simply fully prepared to do non-safe sex should my solution be sure to him. “Really?” I might address, “I mean, are you presently really serious? You’re going to make the word of somebody in a dark room that one couldn’t pick out of a lineup?” I might then clarify, talked often times through a three-inch hole from inside the wall structure, when this question ended up being their single requirements, he then truly necessary to leave this place and run directly to an HIV and STD testing heart. Post haste.

Are we able to be sure to remove this insulting, risky and unsuccessful matter from our lexicon?

There clearly was an alternative choice to The Stupid concern. You can simply offer their HIV status to discover in case the companion really does exactly the same. If he doesn’t or you don’t just like the answer, it really is your to decline having sex. It is far from your to berate them due to their response. Whatever the case, if you are trying to continue to be bad next sex with anybody your don’t understand better should just consist of low-risk activities. In the event the commitment advances, you can easily supply attain tried collectively and be existing when it comes down to test results of one another. And that’s the alternative towards Stupid concern.

An Appealing personal marketing campaign was developed by another company referred to as Stigma Job, which aims to reduce stigma by phoning aside inquiries like “Are Your Wash?” I appreciate the purpose “…to reduce the HIV issues speed by beating the Lubbock TX escort stigma that strengthens they.” If hardly anything else, it has got inspired a dialogue by handling some of the myths and awkward thinking that stigmatizes individuals with HIV.

The environmental surroundings we made up of concerns such as this you have ramifications beyond simple personal awkwardness. It’s got bled into our very own violent fairness system. Regulations today about books are utilized against people with HIV which don’t divulge their unique condition to intercourse couples – even though they engaged in safer gender, made use of a condom, with no transmission occurred. The prosecutions are being performed in some sort of wherein revealing your own position – admitting you will be “not clean” – has started to become increasingly tough to would considering the very stigma generated by things like The Stupid matter.

For more information on exactly how criminalization has become a Kafkaesque nightmare for many of us, check-out some new habits with the videos collection for your newer organization The SERO task, the creation of activist Sean Strub that is straight addressing HIV criminalization.

If you actually want to become heard and make a share to this discussion, We highly urge one bring a short while and respond to The SERO Project’s latest research that gauges your attitudes about when and whether visitors should divulge their HIV standing. Also (as well as perhaps specially) if for example the opinions work counter to mine, their feedback was most welcome and intensely valuable.

Ultimately, state HIV Testing Day is in a few days on Summer 27th. If you are reading this next time, please replace it with any go out next month. Due to the fact amusing thing about HIV-negative test results is the fact that they need an extremely brief shelf life.

Just last year I produced a quick movie, “In Praise of HIV damaging Gay Men,” because as an HIV good man I feel a lot more of a licenses to express factors easily, for example exactly what an accomplishment it is for an intimately productive homosexual people to stay adverse. Also it is designed along with sincerity (as with all my clips, feel my guest to re-post). Alas, it is awfully difficult to heap praise toward one area of the “viral divide” without offending another, and the video got gotten with distinctly mixed product reviews. Some people think my personal shipping had been intentionally sarcastic. Or demeaning to those who have been positive.

While I admit my theatrical speech might be misunderstood, i really do find it fascinating just how people propose their own attitudes onto what they see, specially when considering HIV status. Everyone is touchy. You realize, like if they get asked The Stupid Question. Anyway, read the videos, clear your brain, remember I’m really a totally sweet guy, and discover how content hits you.

“Are You Clean?” meanwhile, isn’t a message with advantages in any framework. As a matter of fact, it’s completely dirty.

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